2009 will be a year that will forever stick out in my mind. It was the year that my daughter was born. It was the year that I didn’t loose my job in our crazy economy. It was the last year I had to think about how to say the year (Twenty-Ten? ‘10? 2010? O-10? 10?). And it was the year where I celebrated my first family Thanksgiving. For all the ups and down of 2009, my life has truly been amazing lately and it’s all about the little things. That is why this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for my new family.

But there is one part of Thanksgiving that I’m truly petrified of and that’s cutting the turkey. When I was little, my father used to cut the turkey that my mom has spent all day making. He’d whip out his knifes, power dicers and cut that bird like it was nothing. I’d sit there and watch as he’d cut it into perfect slices: man sized pieces for himself, petite slices for my mother and plenty of random lengths for the 3 kids. To put it frankly, my Dad was a superhero of turkey proportions. He was the Gobblenator.

So now that I have my own family it has fallen upon my shoulders to dawn the cape and cawl and become the Gobblenator. I must muster enough strength to overcome a mountain of tryptophan, master the dexterity of perfectly sliced portions and the eyes of an eagle so I can catch fingers that try to grab the turkey too early. The only problem: no one left me any instructions.

Yes, cutting the turkey is a big deal and it’s one that scares the crap out of me. What if I hold the knife backwards? Do I have enough strength to cut an entire turkey? Will my family think of me differently if I cut the pieces un-proportional? I can already hear the screams of Turkey Town citizens as they gaze in horror upon my lack of turkey cutting skillz. Will I be shunned forever from cutting the turkey? I’ve heard of these men before who failed. They are forced to work as slaves in a far island, banished from the family tables in shame. Woo is me! The pressure! It’s enough to make a man crack!

Although I’m only cutting a turkey for two (our little one is still on an all milk diet), I can feel the pressure building as we speak. Each second that passes is another second closer to T. Time. And with each breath I know that my fate awaits me on the other side of the oven.

If you would like to not end up like our hero, The Gobblenator, you should brush up on your turkey carving skills by checking out one the following examples.

• eHow: How to Carve A Turkey
• As Men: How To Carve A Turkey

Have a safe and wonderful holiday.

-The Gobblenator