Along with all the great things my daughter is discovering lately (crawling, pulling herself up, solid foods, etc), the one revelation I could do without is the overwhelming need to be with us. You see, my daughter has developed an uncontrollable need to always be with me or Mom which is a nice bump to my ego but comes with the huge disadvantage of never being able to do something alone. Now I’ve done my research, I’ve taken the time to see if this is a natural thing and the good news is, yes, this should be happening. And as any parent can attest to, doing little things like going to the bathroom, relaxing on the couch or even trying to cook a meal can get really hard when your little one won’t let you put them down. Well, don’t pull all your hair out over this issue (you’ll need it later, I swear), the following is what I’ve learned on how to cope with infant separation anxiety.Before I jump into the list, I’d like to quote my sources. As with all my helpful lists, the following tips are a compilation of various sites (Babycenter.com, eHow, and KeepKidsHealthy.com), advice from friends and doctors and my own personal experience.

First and foremost, I’d like to note again that your child going through separation anxiety is a completely normal thing. What’s happening is that your child has started to develop a sense of the world and has started to realize that you and your child are two separate beings. Because you are separate, you have the ability to leave your child and it’s the fear that you’ve disappeared forever or that you no longer love them. We know this isn’t true but your child hasn’t learned that your love and affection still exist even if you are not there.

So the next obvious question then is, how do you help your child understand what’s going on? Or more importantly, how do you speed up the process and when will it stop? Most of my sources claim that this stage of development starts somewhere around 6 months and will last until 18 months to 2 years. I know, that’s a really long time to have to hold your child while peeing, but it gets better. Roughly around 9 to 10 months, object permanence will start to make sense and your child will learn that you exist and will come back when you leave. So hopefully you can make it through the initial rough times of clingy baby and then only have to deal with small episodes or sad good byes only once in a while.

So now your in the know of what’s going on with your kid, how do you make it better? The following list has a few answers:

• Wave good bye when you leave: This simple act creates a signal that you’ve leaving and that you acknowledge your child. You know, you’re not just disappearing into the dark void or something.
• Tell your child what’s happening: While your child won’t understand every word you’re saying, they are picking up on the meaning of specific sounds, tones and the way you communicate. So let them know that you’re going to work for the day and that you’ll return when it’s dinner time. Be positive about the situation and let them know you’ll still love them and that you will be back.
• Leave behind a personal object: Leave your child with something personal of you such as a photo, some clothing or something they can wear. If they can associate you with the object it can help them to understand that you exist even if you’re not in the same room with them.
• Use a gradual transition: Set your child in the middle of the room and assure them that you’ll be back. Leave the room for a minute and then return. Wait a minute and make sure your child is ok and then increase the time that you’re gone by a minute. Keep repeating this until your child is ok with you leaving for longer and longer periods of time.
• Let them learn to cope: There will be a time when you don’t want to use some cute little technique and you just have to leave your child alone. Be it bathing, cooking or what ever, sometimes you just have to let your kid cope. Yes, it’ll suck because they’ll cry and wail and generally be a pain but they will hopefully learn. Granted, it’s a bit harsh but sometimes tough love is the best love.

Hopefully the above list will help you deal with your clingy child and just make sure to stick with it. If you find yourself at the end of your wits, just remember that your child loves you and wants to be with you all the time. It’s the root of all your problems and honestly it’s kind of cool. You are the world to your child and they just want to love, and squeeze, and spit up milk on you all the time.

Do you have a technique for dealing with a clingy child? Leave it below in the comments!

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