The other night, Diane and I had our friends Nick and Julie over for some dinner and late night video games. Since Nick works late on Fridays, it was just Julie for the actual dinner part. Of course my daughter was there as well and as we all crowded around our small dinner table, the little one started to act up. We weren’t sure if she was trying to be cool in front of Julie or just in a mood, but she just didn’t want to take her bottle after she ate her solid food. Normally she’ll suck on it for a few minutes and then put it down rather nice like but this evening she was throwing it over the side of her high chair. The first time she did this we picked it back up and then handed it back to her. By the third time we’d had had enough and calmly told her that she doesn’t get it anymore until she’s ready to be nice. When our friend Julie saw this and how we responded to my daughters little tantrum, she applauded us and said it was nice to see some parents actually standing up to their kids.
Diane and I were both shocked by this comment. To us, this kind of action/reaction was normal, but for Julie it was something of pure fiction. Puzzled, we asked why she would say something like this. She admitted that several of her parent friends often let their kids walk all over them, picking up thrown toys, giving into tantrums and basically letting the kids call the shots. In all, those people had become doormat parents.
After Julie and Nick had left for the evening, Diane and I talked a little regarding doormat parents and how bizarre it was to us. We didn’t really take the bottle away from our daughter because she needed to be taught not to throw tantrums, it was because we were tired of picking it up. Granted, it may have had the end of result of teaching her something but I wanted to bring up the motivation behind the action. Sometimes you do need to think of yourself in order to be a good parent.
A few posts ago I got a wonderful comment from Nellie who pointed out that sometimes being the best parent means putting yourself first. In her comment she talked about following the dreams you want and showing your child that you can dream big and accomplish it. I think the same can apply to the rest of parenting.
If your child is throwing a tantrum because you aren’t picking them up and there is no physical problem going on, maybe it’s best to let them cry it out on the floor. I’m not saying to ignore your child and walk away, maybe you go stand next to them so they can hold you but not pick them up. It’s a compromise. It’s a “I understand that you’re being a butt because you can and I’m here if shit gets bad but you don’t act like this because you can.”
Other good examples would be the high chair and throwing stuff overboard. I mean, how many times are you going to pick up the bottle of milk before you get tired of it? Would you continuously pick it up to the point where it’s no longer about throwing something but is now a game? What habits are you teaching your child by bending to their every whim? I’m not saying that pampering your child leads to spoiled, self-centered adults or that being stern raises polite, respectful people but it might. I mean, from my point of view and from experiences, it sure looks like there is a connection.
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